ix of swords

my teeth clench at night
since my heart can only hold so much
I have to store my fears and anxieties
in my jaw where I can attempt to grind them away
but instead of being pulverized
they slowly chip me away
every morning I feel it
my jaw rigid and stiff
deathly scared from nightly terrors
it's as though my body is making me suffer
out of spite
in retaliation for afflicting so much pain on it
by simply living
the pains of life
that slowly stack on top of each other
one handed to me by every man
I've ever loved
who has ever left me
who I have ever felt obligated to leave
and without their kiss to loosen my jaw
their lips to soften my own
their tongue for my tongue to hide
to escape all my sorrows
because it is only them I want
it is only them I need
I awake in the morning
clenching my jaw for dear life
I press my hand against the bone
thinking about the small price to pay
for waking up alive